The Twilyte Movie Awards
by Cactus Heart
Summary: It's time to hand out the awards after seeing our 'favorite' movie! Can Bella & Co. weather the storm of rigging and win? Apparently, no.


**The Twilyte Move-E Awards  
A Goof Up Media venture  
In association with World of Idiots**

**DISCLAIMER****: This is an original masterpiece of pure nonsense. Anyone trying to find logic or reason in it will be severely persecuted.  
All characters used in this story belong to me. They might refer to some characters in the real world.**

**Scene:**  
A large magnificent hall. Multicolored lights lit up the venue. A red  
carpet lay sprawled at the entrance. Several chauffeur-driven luxury  
cars dropped off the various superstars that had come to attend the  
awards.

**Inside:**  
The celebrities settled down and awaited the commencement of the show.  
Slowly and melodramatically, the purple curtain rose up, revealing the  
sumptuously decorated stage. The hosts, the famous Badman and Joker  
from the movie Badman: The Dark Night, came forth from the wings.

**Badman**: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.  
**Joker:** Indeed. Welcome to the Twilyte Move-E Awards!  
**Audience** (howling): Boo.  
**Badman** (To someone standing in the wings): Please start the background  
music.  
Sounds of an Eminem song with expletives blaring from the speakers  
were heard.  
**Badman **(Quickly): Not that one.  
Spooky music replaced the song.  
**Badman**: Thank you. Now, ladies and gentlemen-  
**Audience**: And vampires and werewolves.  
**Badman**: Surely. Ladies, gentlemen, vampires and werewolves, let's gear  
up for the Best Supporting Actor award. Mr. Joker?  
**Joker** (Busy stealing Badman's wallet): Ah, yes. I want to call forth  
Mr. Megatrine and Mr. Optimus Primate, the famous drunk bots from  
Transfourmers to hand over the award!  
**Audience**: Boo.  
**Optimus Primate**: Okay, dude. I am here. (Faints)  
**Megatrine** (Sighing): Looks like Mr. Primate had too much oil to drink.  
Anyways, the nominees for Best Supporting Actor are-  
Carlisle Killem, for playing as Edwards's dyslexic father.  
David... David Beckhim?  
(David Beckhim drops down from the sky)  
David: What the F! I was playing the football final and suddenly I  
ended up here! What's going on?  
(Looks at Rosalie who is sitting next to him)  
**David** (Wolf-whistling): Maybe I can manage to stay here for some time.  
**Me** (A voice from the sky): That's right, dude. You have to contend  
with my random mood changes. I do whatever I want in this story.  
**Megatrine**: Anyways, the nominees were-  
Carlisle Killem  
David Beckhim  
The Pillar  
**Edward:** The Pillar? What pillar?  
**Joker**: The pillar that holds up your home.  
**Edward**: What the heck! It's not even a living thing.  
**Joker**: Shut up.  
**Megatrine**: Er.. The award goes to...  
Goes to...  
Goes to...  
**Audience**: Goes to whom?  
**Megatrine:** The Pillar. Give it a big hand.  
**Carlisle**: No way! It isn't a living thing.  
**Badman**: So? It supports the house, dosen't it? What do you support?  
**Carlisle:** Er... the actor?  
**Badman **(Ignoring him): The pillar supports a very large house. So, it  
is a good supporting actor.  
(Carlisle starts crying)  
**Joker:** Anyways, people. Let's move on to the Best Supporting Actress  
Award.  
(Megatrine walks off, dragging Optimus's body with him)  
**Badman:** So, I would like to call Banana Montana and Nick Jonus to  
announce the awards.  
**Banana Montana** (Singing The Climb): I can almost see it...  
**Nick Jonus**: See what? The winner? You can see the future? No way!  
**Banana Montana**: The dream I'm dreaming...  
**Nick**: Hey, it's not a dream. It's the real deal!  
**Banana Montana:** There's a voice inside my head...  
**Nick:** Your hearing voices? She's cracked.  
**Joker:** Ahem.  
**Nick**: Oh, yeah. Sorry. The nominees are-  
Rosalie Killem  
Esme Killem  
Frankie  
**Bella**: Who's Frankie?  
**Badman**: Rosalie's cat.  
**Banana Montana**: These are the moments...  
(Nick tapes her mouth and throws her backstage.)  
**Nick**: As I was saying, the Best Supporting Actress award goes to...  
Frankie!  
**Esme**: Damn.  
**Rosalie:** I will kill Frankie when I get back home.  
**Badman**: OK guys. Now, we will take a short break to see a presentation  
from our Guest of Honor.  
(Someone breaks the roof and comes inside flying)  
**Audience**: Is that a plane? Is that a comet? Is that a clown wearing  
blue spandex and red shorts? Is that Souperman?  
**Me **(The voice from the sky): It's Iron Ma'am, losers.  
**Audience**: Boo.  
**Joker** (Imitating French): Bonne welcome or whatever.  
**Iron Ma'am**: Shut up.  
**Badman**: So, Iron Ma'am will perform a tap dance.  
**Audience**: Boo.  
**Iron Ma'am **(Tapdancing): Roobie doobie roobagh de roobie woobie  
roobah...  
**Audience**: Boo.  
**Badman** (Sighing): OK. Let's gt back to the show. Now, Mr. Joker?  
**Joker **(Stealing the credit card of Iron Ma'am): Yes, yes. Let me call  
Parry Otter and Con Weasley to announce the award.  
**Audience**: Boo.  
**Parry Otter:** Hello.  
**Con Wesley **(Looking at Bella): Wow. I mean hi.  
**Parry:** The nominees for the Best Actress Awards are-  
Bella Swam  
Jacob Back  
Alice from Blunderland  
**Bella:** What's Jacob doing in Best Actress section?  
**Badman:** It's time to tell her the truth, Jacob.  
**Jacob**: Bella, sorry.  
**Bella**: Why?  
**Jacob**: I am not Jacob. I am really a druggie werewolf called Megin Fox.  
**Bella**: What? The Transfourmers star?  
**Jacob**: Well, yeah.  
**Bella:** You are a real werewolf?  
**Jacob:** Yes. That's why my surname is Fox.  
(Bella faints)  
**Parry**: The winner is...  
Alice from Blunderland.  
**Jacob**: What the F! She's from a different movie!  
**Badman**: Miss Alice donated £5 Bn. to Twilyte Awards Foundation.  
**Jacob**: Shoot.  
**Joker**: Now, let's move on to the Best Actor Award. It gives me great  
pleasure to call Souperman and Wolversheen to present the award.  
**Audience**: Boo.  
**Souperman**: Yes. The nominees for the Best Actor Award are-  
Edward Killem  
Charlie Swam  
Roger Meyer  
**Edward:** Who's Roger?  
**Badman:** He's the author's brother. Which means...  
**Edward:** F#€!  
**Wolversheen**: That's right. The award goes to Roger Meyer.  
**Charlie **(Getting up from his seat): No more rigging! I am here for the  
award. It belongs to me. (Roars)  
**Badman:** Oh my! Guards!  
(The guards were formerly the cast of Fryndz. They came running and  
arranged themselves in combat poses which suspiciously looked like a  
pose from Power Rangers)  
**Joiy:** Get that idiot!  
**Phoebi:** Fryndi Rangers KBC! Go!  
(The guards tie Charlie and kidnap him)  
**David Beckhim**: Yes, now Bella is mine!  
**Joker**: Yes. Before I call for the final award, I would like to present  
the jury which worked so hard to give the awards fairly.  
I call...  
The Incredible Bulk!  
(A huge, muscled green humanoid creature wearing torn shorts appeared)  
Rene Swam!  
(Bella's mother came onto the stage)  
Lord Moldymort!  
(Parry Otter's arch nemesis 'magically' appeared)  
The Mad Matter!  
(Alice's friend from Blunderland came forth)  
Bruce Flea!  
(The famous Japanese martial artist came up)  
Aaaand...  
Hermione Ranger  
(Con Weasley's girlfriend came out running from the wings)  
**Audience**: Boo.  
**Badman:** These people worked hard to choose the winner of the final  
category- The Best Scene Award.  
**Hermione:** Yes. It was very hard to choose the winner. We could only  
find two suitable scenes.  
**Joker**: You mean that two scenes were extraordinary?  
**Hermione**: No. There were only two scenes that didn't have Bella crying  
all over the place.  
**Badman** (Sighing): We'll just proceed with the award.  
**Joker:** I now call Joe Jonus and Kevin Jonus to present the award.  
(Kevin went on to the stage. There was no sign of Joe)  
**Badman:** Where's Joe?  
**Kevin:** He accidentally fell into a time capsule while he was flirting  
with Mandy. Now he's in year 3000.  
**Badman**: OK. Proceed.  
**Kevin**: The nominees for the Best Scene Award are-  
Bella riding Edward  
Bella and Edward in the meadow  
And, the award goes to... Bella riding Edward!  
**Audience**: Yay! (They had been paid £1 Bn. by Edward to cheer for him)  
**Joker**: Seeing Edwards's bizarre performance, we have invited a world  
class psychologist to look into it. Dr. Shincan?  
**Dr. Shincan:** Ooooooooo!  
**Edward**: What the! You brought this Japenese psycho-kid to examine me?  
**Dr. Shincan**: Who are you calling a kid, $$h0le!  
**Badman **(Clears throat): Ahem.  
**Dr. Shincan**: My observations have led me to believe that Mr. Edward  
is suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.  
**Edward:** Am not!  
**Dr. Shincan**: Are too!  
**Edward:** Am not!

**Dr. Shincan**: Am not!

**Edward:** Are too!

**Dr. Shincan**: Gotcha!  
**Joker:** Men?  
**Dr. Shincan**: Well, let's see this. ( A projector and a slide  
"magically" appeared onto the stage) See here, people. I believe that  
Edward wants to become a racehorse. When Edward was young, he was  
kidnapped and kept in a farm where he learnt to survive on grass and  
hay. There, his desire to be a racehorse was born. That is why he is  
so fast. (The picture on the slide switched to a scene of Edward  
eating hay and sleeping in a barn)  
**Edward **(Yelling): How did you figure it out?  
**Dr. Shincan**: Kinda guessed it.  
(The scene ended with the curtains closing and Edward chasing Shincan  
with a baseball bat)

**THE END**

**A/N: Twilight fan girls are obviously gonna flame but the rest of you can R&R (Read and Review). I would REALLY appreciate reviews even one-word reviews.**

**Hasta la vista, kiddos.**


End file.
